Parenting- Styles and Benefits

Last week in Family Relations we learned about parenting and why we parent how we do in the United States and in our church. We also discussed the benefits of good parenting for parents and children. Some of these benefits include understanding God and the Plan, practicing Christlike attributes, preparing/socializing kids for life, bonding and defining the family, etc. We talked about the three parenting styles including authoritative, authoritarian, and passive. Authoritative is the most successful type of parenting that involves listening and correcting for the benefit of the children with no alterior motives. Authoritarian includes some of the same characteristics of authoritative but is more of a dictatorship with the intention to have power and control. Passive consists of little correction and discipline where the parent acts more as a friend than a loving, disciplinary guardian.

Work and Family

Last week in Family Relations we discussed the history of work and the benefits it can provide the family. Work has existed since the time of Adam and Eve and its form has evolved since, but the necessity for it has not. Even though society has developed the warped idea that work is a bad thing, we know from scripture that work is important and even a commandment from God. We are to work by "the sweat of our brow" and "for our sake." After the Industrial Age, working conditions changed and the family was re-shaped. Home life became less important when compared to a career. A few interesting points made in class were that there is much more providing that needs to be done than only financial. According to Brother Williams, "Work used to be about life and now life is about work." This demonstrates the idea that people used to work to meet their needs and now one of their main needs is work, it encompasses their lives. Brother Williams also said that many people give up what they think they're working for. This is so true, I've seen some parents work so hard, thinking they're doing it for their kids. But by the time they realize all their kids really wanted was some parental love and attention, they're grown and years of irreplaceable opportunities have passed. It's important to discover a healthy balance of work and to devote just the right amount of attention to it. We realize that work is a good thing, but too much of it is not. As the saying goes, "Work hard, play hard." We should take advantage of all God has given us and not focus too much energy on only one aspect of life while neglecting the others.

Family Communication

This last week in Family Relations we learned about family communication. We learned of the importance of it, how it works, some of the consequences that can come about when proper and effective communication is not executed, and techniques to improve family communication. The process of communication includes thoughts and feelings being created, encoded, transferred through some form of media, decoded, and developed into thoughts and feelings in another person. Communication between people, and specifically between family members in this case, is not always necessarily verbal. According to the statistics, non-verbal communication accounts for eighty percent of our daily communication. And even when the communication taking place does contain words, the tone rather than the content of what is spoken makes a stronger impact. Many divorces in our world occur due to lack of or improper communication between spouses. We should take communication very seriously and handle challenging situations with care. A few tips for effective communication include focusing on only the present issue at hand, being honest, open and sincere, listening, refraining from sarcasm, being cautious with word choice, etc. It would be wise to remember a statement made by Brother Williams, "When you make a decision, the impact of how you made the decision is more important than the decision itself." It would also do us good to keep in mind that when we are angry we disqualify ourselves from the presence of the spirit and the revelation, inspiration, and guidance that its company offers. Because of this we can conclude that positive, uplifting communication allows for greater insight and is therefore, far more effective.

Marital and Familial Stress

Last week in Family Relations we were challenged to come up with a definition for family stress. The definition my group came up with was "feelings of overwhelming pressure which effect the chemistry, attitude, and well-being of the family." We talked about how stress is produced when the brain senses danger and sparks the fight or flight response. In that moment of stress, the mind and body is programmed to fully focus on the perceived danger to escape it. Because of this, it inhibits a person's ability to think clearly about other things and in the case of chronic stress, results in neglect toward other aspects of their lives. It is interesting how stress can have very different effects on different families. In some cases, a family comes out from a stressful experience better than they were before and in other instances, they are worse-off after the event. This can be attributed to the ABCX model which explains that a combination of the Actual even, Both resources and responses, and Cognitions make up the total eXperience. We learned that the Chinese characters for crisis actually mean "danger" and "opportunity." Every event is what we make it and I believe that we are agents of our lives, emotions, and responses. No one and nothing can make us feel a certain way without our own perception and permission.

Sexual Intimacy and Affair Proofing Your Marriage

This week in Family Relations we learned about sexual intimacy and the differences between men and women. We discussed the confusion that can sometimes occur when sex has been looked down upon and given a negative connotation for a person’s whole life but when they’re married, it’s suddenly not only okay, but good. As a result, the newly married person/couple may react to sex with fear, shame, or guilt. This is a relatively common problem for those among the LDS culture, especially young women. It is important to understand and to teach our children that within the bonds of marriage, marital intimacy is sacred, beautiful, and ordained of God. Another main topic of discussion this week was how to “affair proof” your marriage. We learned about the importance of setting clear boundaries from the beginning and to always be “fiercely loyal.” A couple should learn to rely on each other rather than their parents or anyone else and become one as we learn in Genesis 2:24. We should refrain from discussing marital issues with anyone outside of the marriage and it’s a good idea to regulate Facebook use and activity on other social media. It is important to make sure your spouse knows that they are loved more than anything else in your life. We should sacrifice anything for them, put their feelings above everything else, give your whole self to them, and spend as much time with them as possible. Also, it is important to learn to control your thoughts; being spiritually in tune will help with this as well as many other aspects of the marriage.  

Marriage Relationships

How marriage is viewed and handled is different depending on a person's definition of the word. We associated sanctity and progression as two terms commonly associated with marriage among people of the LDS faith. We talked about how Eve was created as an "help meet" for Adam which means she was important and equal to him. We know that husband and wife are to be equal partners, but this doesn't mean that their roles are the same. To determine what needs to be done and who should do what in a marriage, we have great revelation to point us in the right direction. We should also study it out, ask God, and follow His promptings to have a successful marriage and family. This is the purpose of a covenant marriage where both partners have made promises to each other and to God rather than a contractual marriage where the couple only makes promises to one another. We talked about critical tasks of a new marriage including thing such as blending lives, setting clear boundaries, budgeting resources, open communication, making decisions together, etc. We learned that marital satisfaction goes up until the birth of the first child, then goes down, and eventually levels off. The same pattern is repeated with each child. Because of this, it is important to constantly show love and consideration to each other and to continue dating all throughout marriage.

Dating, Courtship, and Marriage

Sorry I'm a couple days late on this one! I had a hectic week last week and it just slipped my mind. It looks as if the craziness is carrying over into this week as well, oh no! Beside the hustle and bustle of a busy time in the semester, last week was great! In Family Relations we learned all about dating, courtship, and marriage, perfect for BYU-I (do), right!? Haha. We learned that intimate relationships should follow in that order and that difficulties very often, if not always, arise if one is skipped or if a couple "slides" through the stages. We were taught that touch develops a sense of closeness. In correlation to this fact, the Relationship Attachment Model was created. It portrays steps of attachment in levels that correspond to the others. Gathering from that, we should always know someone more than we trust them, we should trust them more than we rely on them, we should rely on them more than we commit to them, and we should commit more than we touch. Following this model will result in a healthy relationship and can help prevent heartache that results from artificial feelings of love and closeness derived from physical touch. We also learned about the "Know Quo" which are three determinants of really knowing someone. They are Talk-mutual self disclosure, Time- minimum of three months to begin to know someone, and Togetherness- participating in a wide range of activities with one another. Finally, we discussed how society is prescribing cohabitation as a preparation for marriage when in reality, it results in more divorce according to the statistics. This is because cohabitation brings two separate lives under the same roof instead of creating a union of two lives such as in the case with marriage. When, and if, the cohabiting couple gets married, nothing changes and their lives remain divided. Also, most women think of cohabiting as the next step to marriage when most men see it as a step away from or replacement to marriage. A majority of the problems that people are experiencing in dating, courtship, and marriage are a result of our changing society that is becoming more worldly and self-centered. We need to adhere to these teachings and those of the church to have happy, successful, and righteous relationships.